You suck, you know nothing, have a good day!

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You suck, you know nothing, have a good day!

Photo by Alex Perez on Unsplash

Vulnerable much?

I just watched a Brene Brown talk for about the 25th time. Do you know about Brene?

Brene Brown burst into TED stardom about seven years ago with ‘The Power of Vulnerability’, and changed my worldview. Since then I’ve bought one of her books, ‘Daring Greatly’, finished a course on Sounds True, and nauseatingly espoused her Philosophy of Shame to whoever will listen.

Brene Brown by Danny Clarc

Another impressive TED talk is one by Lisa Miller Ph.D. in which she speaks about her story of the Spiritual Child.

These two women have shown to me that maybe there is something scientific to the 12 Steps assertion that a Higher Power can be relied upon for recovery and ascension to a better state of mind and body.

Dr. Miller alludes to a part of our brain that connects physically the parts affected by depression and spirituality — a type of pathway from desolation to joyful living

When you consider that so many addicts attempt sobriety with notoriously poor recovery rates either through rehabilitation, psychotherapy or 12 Step Programs, it’s comforting to know that Science is indicating that what some of us have always believed — faith, can be the answer.

Having just begun to write in public, some of the words of wisdom that has resonated with me, has been, “You suck at the beginning”, and “It’s okay to be ignorant”.

This is SO familiar to me! Nine years and eleven months sago I had my last alcoholic drink, and I had to believe for the first time in my life that I was completely beaten and that all that I thought I knew had been useless in fighting my alcoholism.

What transpired was a release of pressure on myself to create my own recovery — I simply let those around me love me back to health, and did whatever I was told. Ninety meetings in ninety days? Sure! Don’t drink between meetings? No worries! Call someone if you need a drink? Okay!

Believe that a Higher Power could relieve my alcoholism? Well,hang on,I’m not so sure!

Being at death’s door and with little else to rely upon, I conceded that this may be possible. Shockingly, and completely without premonition, I stumbled upon Buddhism and my concession to spirituality turned into reality overnight.

Spookily, I had found my tribe.

And I still didn’t know anything — and now I sucked at two things: Recovery and Buddhism. I got to work. Slowly the physical crisis subsided and I was on my way to another plane of existence. I had discovered a life of love.

Some would say that that was my karma. It could be argued that I had to suffer thirty years of degrading alcoholism and life-failure to get to the point where I could love others. Others would say I was deluded and now I’m slightly less deluded.

In combining the principle of 12 Step Recovery with a belief in ‘Buddhism as my Higher Power’, I have felt cloaked warmly in a loving blanket. I have also been able to love others and help in their recovery. And I can write stories.

If you have suffered from depression and alcoholism, you will know it’s dark in there. Whatever delusion that I am suffering with now is infinitesimally better than the delusion of self-cherishing and self-grasping ignorance that is addiction. I hope this helps someone.

love alwaz
mike